Ole and Sven die in a snowmobiling accident, drunker than skunks, and go to Hell. The Devil observes that they are really enjoying themselves.

He says to them ‘Doesn’t the heat and smoke bother you?

Ole replies, ‘Vell, ya know, ve’re from nordern Minnesooota, da land of snow an ice, an ve’re yust happy fer a chance ta varm up a little bit,ya know.

The devil decides that these two aren’t miserable enough and turns up the heat even more.

When he returns to the room of the two guys  from Minnesota, the devil finds them in light jackets and hats, grilling Walleye and drinking beer. The devil is astonished and exclaims, ‘Everyone down here is in abject misery, and you two seem to be enjoying yourselves?’

Sven replies, ‘Vell, ya know, ve don’t git too much varm veather up dere at da Falls, so ve’ve yust got ta haff a fish fry vhen da veather’s dis nice.’

The devil is absolutely furious. He can hardly see straight. Finally he comes up with the answer.  The two guys love the heat because they have been cold all their lives. The  devil decides to turn all the heat off in Hell. The next morning, the temperature is 60 below zero, icicles are hanging everywhere, and people are shivering so bad that they are unable to wail, moan or gnash their teeth.

The devil smiles and heads for the room with Ole and Sven. He gets there and finds them back in their parkas, bomber hats, and mittens. They are jumping up and down, cheering, yelling and screaming like mad men.

The devil is dumbfounded, ‘I don’t understand, when I turn up the heat you’re happy. Now its freezing cold and you’re still happy.  What is wrong with you two?’

They both look at the devil in surprise and  say, ‘Vell, don’t ya know, if hell iss froze over, dat must mean da Vikings von da Super  Bowl!’

Our Favre-ther who art in Mississippi
hallowed be thy name.
Thy bowl will come,
it will be won,
In Miami as it is in the Dome.
Give us this Sunday, Our weekly win.
Give us touchdown passes,
but do not let others pass against us.
Lead us not into frustration, but deliver us to the Super Bowl.
For thine is the MVP,
the bestest of the NFC,
and the glory of the Purple People Eaters
now and forever. Amen

–Author Unknown

The awesome power of a wife’s love.

A very old man lay dying in his bed. In death’s doorway, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookie wafting up the stairs.

He gathered his remaining strength and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort forced himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both hands.

With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death’s agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven.

There, spread out on newspapers on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies.

Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?

Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself toward the table. The aged and withered hand, shaking, made its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when he was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife.

“Stay out of those,” she said. “They’re for the funeral.

98% of Americans say “‘Oh shit” before going in the ditch on a slippery road.

The other 2% are from Minnesota and they say, “Hold my beer and watch this.”

… and you thought you had problems.

During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password:

MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento

When asked why such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.

Here’s another good one that came from an email.

Part of rebuilding New Orleans caused residents often to be challenged with the task of tracing home titles back potentially hundreds of years. With a community rich with history stretching back over two centuries, houses have been passed along through generations of family, sometimes making it quite difficult to establish ownership. Here’s a great letter an attorney wrote to the FHA on behalf of a client:

You have to love this lawyer ……..

A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA loan for a client. He was told the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to a parcel of property being offered as collateral. The title to the property dated back to 1803, which took the lawyer three months to track down. After sending the information to the FHA, he received the following reply.

(Actual reply from FHA):

“Upon review of your letter adjoining your client’s loan application, we note that the request is supported by an Abstract of Title. While we compliment the able manner in which you have prepared and presented the application, we must point out that you have only cleared title to the proposed collateral property back to 1803. Before final approval can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear the title back to its origin.”

Annoyed, the lawyer responded as follows:

(Actual response):

“Your letter regarding title in Case No.189156 has been received. I note that you wish to have title extended further than the 206 years covered by the present application. I was unaware that any educated person in this country, particularly those working in the property area, would not know that Louisiana was purchased by the United States from France, in 1803 the year of origin identified in our application. For the edification of uninformed FHA bureaucrats, the title to the land prior to U.S. ownership was obtained from France, which had acquired it by Right of Conquest from Spain. The land came into the possession of Spain by Right of Discovery made in the year 1492 by a sea captain named Christopher Columbus, who had been granted the privilege of seeking a new route to India by the Spanish monarch, Queen Isabella. The good Queen Isabella, being a pious woman and almost as careful about titles as the FHA, took the precaution of securing the blessing of the Pope before she sold her jewels to finance Columbus ’s expedition.. .Now the Pope, as I’m sure you may know, is the emissary of Jesus Christ, the Son of God, and God, it is commonly accepted, created this world. Therefore, I believe it is safe to presume that God also made that part of the world called Louisiana. God, therefore, would be the owner of origin and His origins date back to before the beginning of time, the world as we know it, and the FHA. I hope you find God’s original claim to be satisfactory.

Now, may we have our damn loan?”

The loan was immediately approved

See Snopes

Okay, so I don’t update this site much, I really do have several articles ideas and some half written. But I did take some time to install a new theme called Thesis. This is a really great theme and it’s highly customizable. I’ll be tweaking the colors some day soon. I added a new set of pages for my podcasts and will try to cross post them to this site as a one-stop-shop for all of my stuff.

Also, I will be getting rid of the Podcast Mike.com site and redirect it to the Podcast Mike Productions page on this site. I hope fewer sites will help me keep this up-to-date better. Enjoy!

Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert. Congress thought someone may steal from it at night; so they  created  a night watchman, GS-4 position, and hired a person for the job.

Then Congress said, “How does the watchman do his job without instruction?”  So they created a planning division and hired two (2) people, one person to write the instructions (GS-12) and one person, a Management Analyst, to do  time studies (GS-11).

Then Congress said, “How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?” So they created a quality control (QC) division and hired two (2) people, one (GS-9) to do the studies and one (GS-11) to write the  reports.

Then Congress said, “How are these people going to get paid?” So they created a payroll division with a time keeper (GS-9) and a payroll officer (GS-11), and hired two (2) people for clerks (GS-7).

Then Congress said, “Who will be accountable for all of these people?”  So they created an administrative division and hired three (3) people: an Administrative Officer (GS-14), Assistant Administrative Officer  (GS-13), and a Legal Secretary (GS-9). Then, one year later, Congress reviewed the GAO report of the  operation of the desert scrap yard and said, “We have had this command in operation for one year and we are $18,000 over budget. We must cut back overall costs!”

So they eliminated the night watchman.

So worth it!

Click here to view the embedded video.